"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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