i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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