if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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