she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
