It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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