And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
