I just pynch a tree in the face
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
