Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
