...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
