True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
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she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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