then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
