JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
