I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
