this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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