She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Its about making memories worth repressing
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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