she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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