so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
