if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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