Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
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he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I need moral support for this bender
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
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Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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