I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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