All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
