He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
