She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
sarcasm needs its own font
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
