People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
