Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
