Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize