they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
