You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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