I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This baby is an asshole
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
