i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
