he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
