so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
