I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
