Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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