Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
