talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
