im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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