two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
