I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
