I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
