Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
