Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
