Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
