When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
