I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Bring me that man meat
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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