an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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