You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
