I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I want a musical about memes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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