I think scott just propositioned me for sex
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
