I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
