Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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