i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
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i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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