Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
