It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
