no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
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i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
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Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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