You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
