:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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