I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
