you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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