I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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