I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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