I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
