shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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