The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
