OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
