I just pynch a tree in the face
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
