were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
