she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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