Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
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She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
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The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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