i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
