I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
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Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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