You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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