saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
