i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Alive.
So much puke
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
