Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we have pet lesbian snakes
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
