That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
