that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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