my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
