you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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