why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
