True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
