Nicole vs. Life
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
