I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
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Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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