I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
should my penis look like a turkey
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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